Overwhelmed

I am so indecisive, especially with food. Being a perfectionist with OCD-ish tendencies is kind of helpful when doing schoolwork. Not so much with food. I wish I could just chose something to eat and not have to deal with the mental gymnastics. “Well, I could have this instead. It has more protein, but it also has more sugar. Oh no. Maybe this would be healthier. I can eat two ____ instead of one _____.” Sometimes, I get so confused and frantic that I just give up. I chose on eating nothing.

When I go grocery shopping, I have a similar problem. My eyes dart everywhere. I start obsessing over certain foods. I’ll fixate on either totally “safe” foods or gawk at totally indulgent foods that I used to love but am now terrified of. I don’t remember what it’s like to be normal. I’m lucky my parents have so much patience with me. We went to the grocery store together to find foods that I could eat in order to gain weight. After a lot of internal and external debate, I decided to get some sugar cookie and pumpkin pie pop-tarts (gah!) and some protein bars. I managed to eat a sugar cookie pop-tart, and it was delicious. Stressful, but delicious.

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