Why do I restrict, binge, and purge? I’m afraid. I’m afraid of feeling full. I’m afraid of being seen as being undisciplined or lazy. I’m afraid of feeling angry or sad. Fear is one of the main weapons my ED uses against me. Basically, when I do eating disordered behaviors, I’m more afraid of what my ED is going to make me feel than for my future and health. Now, I’m at a place where I’m terrified for my future. I’m afraid of dying. I’m afraid of not being able to go to school. I’m afraid of living a miserable, lonely life. Maybe I can use ED’s biggest weapon as a tool for recovery. Do I fear ED more than I fear for my life? I am afraid of living my whole life in fear, which is what’s going to happen if I don’t recover from this eating disorder.