I met my therapist yesterday…..

I haven’t had a therapist since last year. I didn’t give up on therapy. Actually, I found it really helpful, but the insurance dropped her, and I couldn’t afford to go anymore. So, I went to UF’s EDRC (Eating Disorder Recovery Center) and was referred to a therapist that was in network and specialized in eating disorders, a rarity. She had worked with other eating disordered clients before, and she seemed to know exactly what I was dealing with, which has never happened before. She said, “The eating disorder has put holes in your developmental “wall.” Your social and emotional growth has been stunted and distorted. My goal is to fill in those holes. Then, over time, we’ll wallpaper over those.” That hit home. I’m the “nice girl.” No one feels like they can’t talk to me or ask me for favors, but no one tries to be more than an acquaintance. I’m a boring person. At least, that’s what I usually think. But, maybe I’m not a boring person. Maybe, if I’m boring at all, it’s because of the eating disorder. Maybe I don’t have close friends because I don’t make an effort to talk with people outside of class and church. Maybe I feel alone because I’m too embarrassed to share my struggles with this hellish eating disorder. I have hope. The eating disorder has become my identity, but maybe I can find another, healthier identity to replace it.

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