The Danger of Truth

I’m stuck right now. I’ve been doing a lot of behaviors lately. I’ve started hiding food and purging a lot more. I try to make my parents think I’m eating “scary” foods, but then I’ll hide it. Sometimes I just get too frightened to eat what I picked, so I hide it. I’ve started purging more often. I start eating and I don’t stop. I don’t binge on purpose, it just happens because I’m trying to impress my parents, or I feel desperate to gain weight so I can be independent. I keep it in, but if I’m still feeling ill and guilty about what I’ve eaten, I’ll purge a few hours afterwards. Also, I’ve started starving myself all day and eating 1000 or more calories at night to make my parents think I’m eating more. I’m terrified to tell anyone because I don’t want to disappoint them. I’m also afraid of having to go inpatient or to the hospital. I feel like such a failure right now. I’m not giving up. It’s time to start digging myself out of this hole.

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